What we call violent and controlling behaviour can take many different forms. It can be:

Verbal

For example, continued verbal harassment, put downs, insults, name calling and swearing.

Psychological and emotional

For example, humiliation, threats, insults, harassment or constant criticism.

Sexual

For example, demands for sexual intercourse when your partner has made it clear she does not wish to participate, threats of physical violence during sex, or forcing a person to participate in acts she does not wish to perform.

Social

For example, stopping your partner from seeing friends you don't like, asking her not to talk to other men, or accidentally-on-purpose forgetting to pass on phone messages.

Economic

For example, taking total control of the family income so that your partner has either no money or only money for household expenses, making your partner account for every cent of expenditure, or denying her money for personal use.

And when we talk about physical violence, we don't just mean acts that end up causing physical harm. All of the following are forms of physical violence — even if they are 'just' threatened, not carried out:

• punching
• choking
• hitting
• pushing 
• shoving 
• throwing things
• smashing things 
• damage to property 
• injury to pets

Threatening someone with a weapon is also physical violence.

Sometimes violent and controlling behaviour can fall into more than one category. Other times, it doesn't seem to fit any of the categories listed above. What matters is whether someone is controlled or fearful as a result of the behaviour — regardless of whether or not you intended that to happen.