Every relationship has its ups and downs and occasional conflict. Most people will feel frustrated, disappointed or angry with a partner at some point.

A healthy level of disagreement in a relationship is one thing. But violence and control is something else entirely. If your partner feels too intimidated, threatened or frightened to have her say, the balance of power is no longer equal. 

Lots of couples have problems, but when one partner is using violence and control, it's very difficult to really deal with other issues. Stopping the violence and control is the first step towards a happier, more secure relationship.

It was like I needed to own her. She was mine and everything seemed right when she was around doing things how I wanted them. I realise now that that is not what being together is about. STEVE [37 years] *

* This and most of the quotes on following pages are taken from the booklet How to deal with domestic violence: A self-help book for men who want to change. We thank the Department for Communities, Government of Western Australia for allowing us to use the quotes from this booklet.