Effects on children


Children don't forget about seeing their mum yelled at or hit. The effects of violent and controlling behaviour are likely to be serious and long lasting.

Research has found that:

  • all violence has some effect on children
  • children don't need to experience violence directly to be affected by it.

Children tend to think the world revolves around them. They might feel your violence is their fault — that they have caused it. They might feel guilty and confused because they love you, but hate the violence. Ultimately, they might just start to feel that they hate you.

Then I was asked by Matt’s school teacher if everything was OK at home. Matt’s teacher was concerned about his behaviour over the past term at school. She explained that he was no longer interested in doing well in assessments and she had noticed that he was quite disruptive in class. This got me thinking... just how much my behaviour affected my son? ADRIAN [40 years]

The impact of men's violence can be severe: there are usually serious, long lasting and frequently irreversible effects on children and young people.

There is some evidence that suggests that children who have experienced male family violence are more likely to experience violence in their adult relationships. Children exposed to male family violence are more likely to use it to resolve relationship conflicts more readily than those who are not.

Read below to find more information on the physical and emotional effects on children.

Physical effects

In addition to physical injury and death at the hands of male family members, children also show physical symptoms of stress or distress, for example, bedwetting, stomach upsets and chronic illnesses.

Emotional effects at different ages

The immediate emotional effects of experiencing male family violence tend to differ with age.

Babies and toddlers
  • often cry a lot (even more than most!) 
  • show signs of anxiety and irritability
  • have feeding and sleep difficulties
  • are often underweight for their age
  • have delayed mobility
  • react to loud noises
  • are wary of new people 
  • might be very demanding or very passive.
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Preschool children

Sometimes have symptoms similar to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in adults. They lack the maturity to understand the meaning of what they observe and the verbal skills to talk about their feelings. They show their emotional distress in their:  

  • 'clinginess'
  • eating and sleeping difficulties 
  • concentration problems 
  • inability to play constructively
  • physical complaints 
  • immature behaviour 
  • insecurities 
  • reduced ability to empathise with other people 
  • difficulty adjusting to new situations (for example, moving from kindergarten to school)
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Pre-adolescent school-aged children

Even at this early age, research shows that children who experience violent and controlling behaviour from a male family member have lower self esteem. They often start to lag in their basic coping and social effects. They tend to show the effects according to their temperament. Some have temper tantrums or are:

  • rebellious
  • irritable
  • defiant
  • cruel to pets
  • physically abusive towards other people.

Others internalise their emotions and try to avoid conflict. They are withdrawn, submissive or passive and lose interest in social activities.

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Adolescents

Are at increased risk of:

  • academic failure
  • dropping out of school
  • delinquency
  • eating disorders and substance abuse
  • having difficulty trusting adults
  • using controlling or manipulative behaviour
  • depression and suicidal thoughts or behaviours
  • homelessness
  • engaging in delinquent and/or violent behaviour as adults.
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